life, love, and lindsey

"how about icing it. lol."

2010-12-26T22:49:00.001-05:00

merry christmas everyone!

now do yourself and myself a favor and watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAkuptIROwk

standing in between the moon and the sun.

2010-12-23T22:40:00.001-05:00

what up, homeslices?! yes, it's been awhile, i know. i'm thinking about turning the blog into more of a picture/small sentences/recap of fun things blog instead of spilling my life into web page format. i just don't have the need/want/time/dedication to do any of that anymore. i do, however, thoroughly enjoy reading everyone else's :) so without further adieu, here we go...

where did i leave off? partying? not so much anymore. except last weekend, which was slighty reminiscent of this classic

and by slightly i mean, exactly to the t. but that's neither here nor there. excuse my poor grammar for the remainder of this blog.

school wise, i did much better than i thought for not doing a DAYUM thing all semester. my final GPA was a 3.633. i got a B in running! of all things! i guess i'm not exactly a distance runner. soccer trained me for sprints, not 5ks. i also got a B+ in bio, but i definitely deserved that. all of my other classes were A's. i decided to take chemistry for credit only, so i got the credit and moved on with my life.

i will officially be switching majors from human biology to psychology! i got my psych book in the mail today and started reading it. it's definitely right up my alley. i'll also still be minoring in spanish. ¡que pasa!

socially, i've never been better. i'm back home now and am craving Raleigh. january 6th can't come fast enough.

also, my best guy friend, W, from school is now my boyfriend. life really doesn't get any better :) we've been dating for a month now. he loves everything i do, including weird ass food. i win.

that's my roommate, W, and his roommate.

birthday night :) he took me to see Doomtree in Chapel Hill.

other miscellaneous activities...

harry potter midnight premiere

whipped cream fights with my RA

beautiful sunsets outside my dorm room

being a G. the usual.

we wrapped our door in the spirit of christmas and finals procrastination :)

playing with dog while his owner was taking her spanish test. notice the name tag?

yes, i am an ambassador for North Carolina State University. bazinga.

i've come home on occasion, mainly to see this diva.

played in mirrors outside of p.f. changs

cause i turned 18, ya'll!

you're not supposed to eat your cake with chop sticks?

i love my roommate too much.

dedicated an entire facebook album to dunkaroos

and had a festive snow day

i'm on winter break now, and i'm bored to say the least. in case you didn't know, there was a lunar eclipse a couple nights ago, and my friends and i stayed up all night and celebrated in style :)

PULL IT!

in awe of the universe on my car. i will never cease to be amazed by the universe.

my favorite quote of the night? someone asked me where i was. i said, "standing in between the moon and the sun." surreal.

i throw my legs up in the air sometimes singing "ayy oh!"

the determining that i have a good bellybutton while reppin' NCSU.

just dance 2 for wii. best game ever.

yesterday, i went through tons of old albums and found countless priceless pictures of classic times. thank goodness i have no shame...you should really try it sometime. looking back at old memories really does make your day a little better.

sweater vest? check.

that's about all i have for you guys. i'm about to go ice some cookies. all i seem to do these days is bake, work out, and play the guitar and piano. fine by me :)

ciao bella!

i promise it'll be soon!

2010-12-13T11:46:00.000-05:00

i want to post and update. so much to talk about. but i have been up for 24 hours studying for a biology final. also i failed chemistry by two points. but life is great. even though i'm going to fail english. because every sentence isn't a sentence at this point. love you all. catch up soon <3

oh, hey college.

2010-11-08T16:05:00.002-05:00

ok, so maybe its been four months since my last post. i dont care. because i will be starting a new blog documenting my college experience thus far in the near future. in the meantime, enjoy these photos of the past four months :) things got crazy...

myrtle beach trips

rainy john mayer concerts with my roommate and best friend

my hair is wavy?

i will let you determine if there was alcohol involved.

foodie roommate <3

a possible stolen shopping cart that we named bubba who was possibly smuggled home in the back of my possible honda civic.

and then i moved into collee. NCSU BABY! :)

dorm room...

represent the wolfpack :)

see the multicolored pig? meet young money.

NCSUs belltower. it lights up red when we win. thats me, by the way.

PANERA!

terrible idea. cinnabon+cran grape + peanut butter+milk+fake milk.

playing on the wolves on central campus.

ludacris concert on campus. refer to this song if anything about this picture confuses you.

one word: keylimepiefrozenyogurt.

partayyy!

fierce.

i have never been happier.

time for a nap...class is over, and i need to recoup from my two a.m. three mile walk to ihop last night.

chocolate chip pancakes with a side of egg whites and turkey bacon. for health reasons, of course :)

ill leave you with my current favorite quote...

"Do one thing everyday that scares you. Sing. Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself."

<3 ciao bella

difficult post ahead

2010-07-04T16:49:00.000-04:00

i have kind of a difficult post ahead. possibly life-changing, possibly meaningless. we'll see. lots of pictures, too :)

in the meantime, i've eaten a few new things lately that might hint around at what i'm going to post about.

ok, so i only have had a change to try one. i had the wholesome original...the one in the middle. i was a little sketched out about it looking at the ingredients, but i'm always wanting to try new things so i dove in. it was AWESOME. the flavor was very mellow, and i could taste and SEE the indivudal ingredients. it was very filling with 9g of protein and left me feeling superb. now i must find a place to buy them cheaply...

peaut butter and honey drizzle with raisin sandwich. weird and just what i was craving :)

i am going to try this bar shortly

looks scrumptious. i guess anything with chocolate is haha.

anyways, i just bought one of these, so i'm going to go test it out on a short run.

ciao bella

♥

quarters, boot camp, and tofu

2010-06-21T19:00:00.000-04:00

hey! work is going unimaginably well...yet tiring as hell. thankfully, i have today and tomorrow off because i have to go to Duke for my final ED checkup :) as much as i love getting out of my small town and heading to Durham, it is nice knowing i won't have to see an ED doctor any longer.

thursday night, i worked 12 hours; i worked until 2:30 in the morning. woah. tips were rollin', though. there was a huge party of guys there from some kind of firm, and two were looking at me all night and finally asked my name. they were quite nice to look at, i might add (and AUSTRALIAN) :) it was flattering for awhile, but it got to be downright creepy. they asked me to take me them home because they were hammered, but i politely refused. friday, i worked until 1:00 in the morning, and saturday i got off at 9:30. i can't complain...i've made hundreds ;)

mom and dad came to visit me one night, and my dad and i ended up playing quarters on the bar. after awhile, we attracted quite the crowd.

our family might be dysfunctional, but i love 'em!

i finally had some motivation this morning to hop off my lazy butt and do some work. i had purchased a boot camp dvd a longg time ago, and went to work. HOLY %&*^&. i don't know what word that was, but it's what i was saying the entire 55 minutes. billy kicked my BUTT. i was literally dripping sweat from head to toe by the end, but i felt amazing. i will be continuing the dvd :)

on the foodie front, i've been eating HORRIBLY lately, and my body can tell. i'm going back and eating more clean and healthy foods. no worries, there will be cake in there too. 80/20, peeps. i started today because i once read that mondays were the best days to start a new habit! i worked out and ate pretty well.

breakfast was homemade french toast made with 3 slices whole wheat bread, 2 egg whites, splash of lactaid, cinnamon, vanilla, a small banana, and sf maple syrup. sorry, it got demolished so no pictures.

lunch was a flatout wrap with sabra roasted red pepper hummus, shredded carrots, and a few vegan peperoni slices. on the side, i had an apple dipped in plain greek yogurt mixed with just a little sf maple syrup. no pictures, nothing to write home about. delicious, nonetheless. somewhere inbetween lunch and dinner, i had the remaineder of my greek yogurt (1/2 cup?) with some kashi honey toasted cereal and sf maple syrup, again. i should lay off of that.

now as my post title implies, i had some tofu for dinner. in the past, i've bought it and ended up having to throw it out becuase i never used it. i've always been intimidated when actually cooking my own food. i make my own food a lot, but nothing that doesn't take over five minutes. i was feeling up to the task tonight, and tofu sounded pretty good.

enter kristin's grilled asian tofu.

obviously, mine didn't look as nice and pretty as hers, but it sure was tasty.

marinating...

grilled in the foreman, topped with sesame seeds.

i also stole her idea of using the rest of the marinade to sautee up some spinach and brown rice. genius.

three pieces of tofu and a blog later, i'm one happy girl.

ciao bella

♥

so this is what it's like

2010-06-16T17:33:00.000-04:00

as of approximately 7:00 last night, i became a high school graduate; an adult in the real world. my childhood is officially behind me, and i'm about to embark on MY new life without my family. woah...talk about surreal.

the ceremony was amazing. ever since 9th grade, i had been number on in my class, but things changed that the VERY last second and i was salutatorian in the end. last second as in i was still valedictorian up until two weeks ago. oh well...i was upset at first, but it's really no big deal. with everything i've been through, i know i'm lucky to be where i am today. i may have not been the best student either, so i know i should definitely be happy with being second in the class.

a lot has changed since the last time i've posted. i've become so much more lackadasical about my food choices. i eat pretty poorly at times, but i've now found the motivation to exercise and live a healthy, balanced lifestyle. honestly, i've never been happier. i don't know how much i weigh and i don't care too. when i go to the doctor to get my immunizations for college, i intend of having them not tell me what it is. life is so much easier when living blindy, sometimes. words really can't describe how lucky i consider myself. i continue to read blogs of girls still stricken with an eating disorder, and i think about how i know exactly where they are. because i've been there, too. i want them to read this and know that it is possible to recover. i'm here where i am today because of the outpouring of strength and love given to me by my family and friends around me, as well as my own personal power that i never knew i had.

on a lighter note, there is a new boy in my life. a great one, at that. unfortunately, i won't see him all summer because he is in the army national guard, and will be at basic training all summer. ugh. at least he will be at N.C. State with me in August, though :)

i start work tomorrow as a waitress, so wish me luck guys!

now that i'm an adult and all, i gotta bring in that bankk ;)

ciao bella

♥

“If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it.”

wrapping up

2010-05-18T19:12:00.000-04:00

hey guys! i've been so busy the last couple weeks of school. i will NEVER understand why teacher give so much stuff at the very last minute to do, especially senior year! along with award's day next week, academic banquet, scholarships, birthdays, and graduation arrangements, i also have a calculus project, two ap lit papers, my memory book due, and a calculus and animal science test thursday.

with that said, i need to go do some work because i just got back from the gym. i was proud of myself! i did five minutes on the treadmill going 6.0 mph while i was waiting for the elliptical to open up. i don't really like the treadmill because i always have a problem with my shoulders grinding and it hurts ~~like HELL~~ very badly. the elliptical doesn't seem to affect it as badly. when one finally opened, i was on it for about 40 minutes and went 4.15 miles. yes, that may not be much for some people, but for me it was very good. and like this wise lady said today, don't compare yourself to others; let it motivate you! be proud of YOUR accomplishments :)

one last thing...one of my papers for ap lit is supposed to be a problem-solution paper. it can be any topic that you feel strongly about in society. at first i really struggled to find something that i could write about, so i walked into the library and i shit you not, the first book on the self was male anorexia. now, you all know if you have been reading this that i had it so i feel strongly about it, but no one really ever gives much thought to males experiencing eating disorders. it struck me instantly that i was writing my paper on this. i'd really appreciate you guys' opinions on the topic or any information that you think would be helpful!

off to do work!

yesterday's 'fit.

i'll leave you with webcam boredom...

ciao bella

there were so many fewer questions when the stars were just the holes to heaven..

2010-05-12T20:16:00.000-04:00

so i woke up around one this morning having an asthma attack. great way to start the day, right? honestly, it would have been ok if not for the two circumstances:

i had no inhaler with me.
i already couldn't breathe out of my nose.

so basically, i was huffing and puffing all night long. needless to say, i did not attend school today. i woke up around ten and basically sat around until about 1, when i got a sudden burst of energy. i ran up to the gym and did this awesome workout. i was also pretty much the only person at the gym, so i enjoyed that. however, the gym air conditioning was broke so i was drenched in sweat by the time i left, and i may or may not have taken around breaks and walked the last 6 minutes. but hey, i got a workout, right? :)

need proof?

pre-gym. still got that swag surf.

post-gym. and no, i do not work out with my hair down. that's crazy talk.

after that, i went grocery shopping for my family and picked up a few goods that i forgot to snap a picture of. i'm pretty sure i got bananas, strawberries, oranges, spring herb mix, snow peas, shredded carrots, balsamic vinaigrette, greek yogurt, lactaid, turkey, garlic hummus, and kashi honey sunshine cereal. basically what i live of off :)

i finally got around to cleaning out my car from the tragedy that was soccer season. two hours of lil' wayne, scrubbing, vacuuming, washing, rinsing, and drying later, my car is almost as beautiful as ryan reynolds. almost.

yeahh...

now that you've feasted your eyes on that, you can feast your eyes on my not-so-appetizing-looking-but-oh-so-amazing-tasting dinner.

stovetop oats!

it's all i was craving...my stomach has been kind of off today, so i wanted something simple. i did my usual mix of 1/3 cup oats, 2/3 cup water, cinnamon, nutmeg, chopped banana, REAL maple syrup (which is 2387594375x better than the fake stuff and a little goes a longg ways), and a scoop of peanut butter on top. this time, i spontaneously added the last of my lactaid on top (probably 1/3 cup) and everything was all goopy and wonderfully blissful :)

oats with a side of blackberry.

that's about the jist of today's happengs. here's a quick recap of everything else:

-i planted a garden on mother's day :)

-i went to durham this weekend to meet up with some people i met that are also going to state in the fall, and i am BEYOND thrilled to be going in august!!

-i tried SIAHC. for those of you who can't read minds, that means Salad In A Hummus Container. if you haven't tried it, do it STAT. it's amazing.

i never would have thought an empty hummus container would make me happy.

as i typed this, i also demolished a bowl of honey sunshine cereal with almond milk and fresh sliced strawberries. maybe a sliver of dark chocolate, too? ah, well. all's well that end's well.

ciao bella

MANGA!

2010-05-11T18:11:00.000-04:00

so this isn't really going to be a long post because i just woke up, stuffed my face with sweets, and as soon as they digest, i'm headed to work out :)

but i really wanted to share with you this muy delicioso recipe that i found saved in the depths of my bookmarks: cauliflower pizza crust.

when i first saw it, i was curious just because i love pizza. i saved the link without thought, but i never went back to it until a couple of days ago. i knew i had to make it at that point. naturally, i ran to the store, grabbed some cauliflower and pizza toppings, and did the damn thang.

unfortunately, my crust really didn't stay together so it ended up being more of a mush, but it was AMAZING, nonetheless. and knowing i was eating half of a bag of cauliflower made me feel even better :) i'm pretty sure it messed up because i failed to measure how much cauliflower i used. it only said one cup in the recipe, but i think i used two. i'll get it right next time. because there will be a next time.

i strayed away from the recipe a little, so my crust looked more like this:

-2 cups riced cauliflower
-1 egg
-red pepper flakes
-garlic powder
-basil
-parsely
-salt

my toppings were BALLLIN'.

-large amounts of pizza sauce
-goat cheese
-sun-dried tomatoes
-mushrooms
-vegan parmesean

my crust. check out those pepper flakes ;)

half of the pizza. sorry, i got busy with the first half before i thought to take a picture.

well i'm off to work-out! you should definitely try this pizza though, it's pretty bossy. and it definitely took care of my pizza cravings!

ciao bella

the four essentials of omelets.

2010-05-07T16:29:00.000-04:00

step one: sautee veggies of choice

i went with zucchini, corn, and mushrooms. with a touch of balsamic to scrape off the goodness on the bottom of the pan ;)

step two: get your eggs (one egg, two whites) in the pan. when they are set, add your veggies to one half. and don't forget to add vegan provolone cheese.

step three: fold it like it's hot.

i'm a proud momma.

step three: whip up a delicious sauce to drizzle on top. preferably greek yogurt+salsa.

not so purdy, but delish nonetheless.

step four: dessert. because no meal is complete without this step.

mango smoothie in a cappuccino glass. cause i like to be classy.

my mango smoothie:

~1 cup frozen mango

~1/2 cup almond milk

BLEND, BLEND, BLEND.

perfect :)

i also added a touch of granola to make it look a little more blog-friendly. or maybe i was subconsciously trying to make up for the crackberry photos. you're welcome.

ciao bella

my healthy medium

2010-05-06T13:58:00.000-04:00

ever since i recovered from ED, i think i've overly taken advantage of all of the junky foods i used to deny myself for so long. for example,

now, i'm not saying chocolate isn't healthy ;) but let's just say copious amounts have been consumed.

and then in europe, it was tons of food and lots of this:

and i've basically turned into this hot guy:

and drank WAY too many of these:

let's just say i've gained quite a few pounds.

PLEASE DO NOT FRET! in no way am i going on a diet! HELL NO. that part of my life is over and done with. but i was just starting to feel blah. i do not think i am fat. i actually love my body and all of it's curves...except my boobs, but in due time ;)

the whole point of this post is to try to get some motivation. i feel like i'm just letting myself go in every aspect of my life, especially school. i sign out so much it's not even funny. i need to hear from you guys again! i know it's been so long since i've been blogging and maybe i need to start again.

health wise, i know i need to make some changes. here is my proposed plan:

-get at least 30 minutes of exercise daily.

-stop snacking all day long! it makes me feel so weighed down, and i know it's out of boredom. and because i have always been able to justify it because of ED.

-eat bigger breakfasts.

-eat at least one salad a day.

-funny side story: i have eaten this salad every day the past week and it is AMAZING, yet i almost made my mother and father throw up. maybe my taste buds are completely out of whack and i have no idea where i go this idea from, but here we go. my salad contains: a ~~shit~~load of spinach, turkey slices, shredded carrots, sliced red pepper, broccoli slaw,mushrooms, beets, a glob of sabra, a tbsp of peach jam, vegan parmesean cheese and balsamic vineagrette. crazy? yes. delicious? HELL YES.

-stop drinking so much diet coke. i was literally drinking 4-6 a day. for right now, i say 2 is my max. baby steps, people.

-try to eat more balanced meals. not just a bowl of fries because i can.

-portion control! now this sounds like a diet, but it's more like eat until i am full instead of so stuffed i just take a nap. yes, i do that almost everyday now.

-BLOG! i am missing you guys :)

maybe this wasn't the best thing to put on a former ED blog, but people can say what they want. i've been at the gym and eating better for about a week now and i feel 93245349857984375 times better! and my clothes still fit the same, so i'm assuming i'm not losing weight, which isn't my goal anyways. if anything, i just want to tone up :) i'm lifting more instead of solely relying on the treadmill. and i feel amazing. and i know this new healthy life i want to implement is not ED related because i am NOT afraid of fats. in fact, i love them! lemme holla at that almond butter and hummus :) have you read this amazing lady's post on fats? i don't count calories either, so don't ask.

sorry this post is so sporadic, but here are a couple of other side notes to serve as catch-ups:

-my back is still messed up. it is getting to where it always wakes me up at night. maybe i should get it checked out now that soccer is over. opinions?

-there are no boys in my life! weird, huh? :)

-i have taken two A.P. tests in the past two days. talk about a nightmare. (calculus tuesday, literature and comp. today)

-i am still awaiting my dorm assignment from n.c. state. i had one a few days ago, but apparently they had to go back and redo everyone's rooms. so for now, i'm homeless.

-almond butter is the new peanut butter. i'm in love.

-graduation is june 15th! counting down the days...still no word on whether i'll be valedictorian!

-i feel like i have so much more to talk about, but now that i'm blogging i'm sure i'll be back to talk!

-in the meantime, here are some random pictures...

senior night...last soccer game!

n.c. state senior send-off dinner

they got nothin' on you, baby

failed attempt at get an au naturale tan.

another prom pic.

bffs since elementary school :)

first dance to last prom, baby!

exciting news coming up, stay tuned!

ciao bella

SEN10R PROM!

2010-05-02T18:57:00.001-04:00

viva la vida

2010-04-23T17:56:00.001-04:00

when was the last time i posted? i don't remember. and you know what? it doesn't matter. i still read blogs everyday...i promise i'm still here with you all :)

but ED no longer controls my life, and i no longer feel like i'm obligated to post everyday, even when i don't feel like it.

but just as a catch up, i'm having the time of my life although my allergies and soccer could quite possibly be the death of me :)

i'll be back sometime when i feel the urge to write you guys the story of my life!

oh yeah...here's my prom dress! i was sold on the pockets. what can i say?

LOVE YOU GUYS!

ciao bella

graduation dress!

2010-03-24T22:42:00.000-04:00

that is all :)

ciao bella!

it's a beautiful world

2010-03-23T20:37:00.000-04:00

hey guys! if you couldn't tell by the title, life is great right now :) with the exception of my calculus class, but all in due time...

i had my first appointment at duke today in three months, and it was pretty good all in all. my weight is very normal and my mentality couldn't be any better. however, they do want me to continue to take my medication until the winter and then i can try to come off of it. they were proud of me, which was an awesome feeling to say the least.

on a not so good note, if you've been following my blog, you know that i'm lactose intolerant. i have been able to continue to eat yogurt though. well lately, i've been having a probably throwing up a lot of what i eat and having tummy issues and being really shaky. apparently this is in correlation with my recent obsession with eating yogurt at least twice a day. i was giving an ultimatum to not eat ANY form of dairy. i seriously teared up, i don't know what to do! we stopped at whole foods and picked up a couple of soy yogurts and coconut yogurt, but soy usually doesn't agree with me and i'm not a fan of coconut :(

here are my goodies i got:

coconut milk yogurt, soy yogurt, vegan cheddar, and i finally tried carob! IT WAS AMAZINGG. better than chocolate, i swear. those are carob covered almonds and raisins.

mini whole wheat pita rounds, baked blue tortilla chips, sf english toffee syrup, MY N.C. STATE LICENSE PLATE!, dark chocolate bacon bar, world market sea salt dark chocolate bar, raw foods blueberry crunch bar, odwalla superfood bar, and NUTRITIONAL YEAST FINALLY!

-i'm beyond excited to have finally picked up some nutritional yeast, i've seen all of these recipes and now i can finally make them!

-the sea salt bar is just as good as the sea salt lindt bar for half the price

-the bacon dark chocolate? GASMIC. totally worth 6 dollars.

-here is what my car looks like. before vs. after.

before

after!

totally creepin' :)

i think the weather has had tons to do with my mood. case and point:

word.

"holla if you're ready for some summer nights...♥"

to continue with my random posting, here was my monstrous dinner from sweet tomatoes tonight:

holy roughage. and this was afteri ate some.

honestly, i wasn't really impressed with sweet tomatoes, they didn't even had BALSAMIC! i had to use italian, which i'm sure had dairy in it. but it did tide me over for a good bit.

the rest of my life in a nutshell? the new boy is going greatt, jeff and i don't hate each other or anything, i still love casey (HOLLAAAAAAAAAAA SOULMATE!), i have a new roommate!, i'm struggling in calculus but i'm getting it together now, my rash is better except around my eyes, american idol sucks this year, soccer is amazing, i strained my left flank, we have our next game thursday night, and i leave for europe in t-minus eight days :)))))

oh, and i got a blackberry tour. heard. that.

love you guys!

ciao bella

"she got that good good, she michael jackson badd."

2010-03-14T12:15:00.000-04:00

i'm alivee!!! :)

i missed you guys so much! i could probably write a book about my life, but i think i'll try to sum up the high points in bullets.

-jeff and i are completely over...no hard feelings though.

-casey and i aren't going to be roommates anymore, because she is going to CAROLINA! i still loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you soul sister :)

-mom went to trader joe's last night and didn't bring me back anything. i know what you're thinking...this should be first on my list, right?

-there is a new boy in my life :)

-i thought i tore my LCL in my left knee at soccer...i hit a girl knee to knee going full speed. my knee was stuck at a 90 degree angle for a week before the doctor straightened it out because my leg was turning purple and went cold. i would have rather been giving birth than to have my leg straightened out again...i had it done TWICE. but i never got an MRI, so i hope nothing is torn. it feels better now.

-but i thought i broke my shin in my last soccer game. it's just a huge raised bruise though :) it was raining and the field was a mud pit. here is a picture AFTER i washed off.

-i've been going outt with my friends :)

-my senoir soccer season has been BEASTLYY and amazing. i love my girls :)

-i've been having allergic reactions all over for about a month now. we thought it was from a sodium hydroxide spill in my chem. II class...

attractive, i know. keep the compliments to yourself.

but now we're pretty sure it's not the chemicals.

it's the bacon.

my animal science class goes to the hog pens (yes my school really does own hog pens, yet takes away our college classes) and scrapes out their ~~shit~~ feces. we figured out a break out everytime i go, so i'm not going anymore. darn, no more smelling like butt :)

-i'm going to europe in two weeks!! london, paris, and stonehenge :)

-my calculus grade is horrendous. i've never had such a low grade, but it's because i have missed a bunch of that class due to my rash. i have two zeros in the gradebook, so i guess that warrants my 78.1. seriously, i think i defecated my pants. i've never even had a B.

-on the other hand, soooooooooo ironically, i'm doing extremely well in my ap literature and composition class. i'm such a math person, i really don't know what's going on haha.

-i bought 77 dollars worth of soccer paraphenalia and haven't told my mom yet. i should get on that.

-my 2007 honda civic's transmission is messed up. i haven't told my mom about that yet either. fml.

-i decided i think i want to go to medical school again...i gave up my dreams for something else, but i'm going to follow my heart now. and i really want to be a doctor. i guess that would explain why i watch discovery health 24/7. except for fringe and trash tv. but you already knew that, right?

-and i think i want to either transfer to the university of michigan in a couple years, or at least try to go to medical school there...i'm so freaking excited about my futuree :)

judge me. :)

-i did officially get my major changed from nutrition science to biological sciences-human biology.

-sorry this post is hella random, i have thoughts everywhere i'm trying to get covered.

-speaking of nutrition, everything on the ED front is so great. actually, i shouldn't even say ED front. literally, it's like gone. i can't say i NEVER have thoughts, but it's just so freaking liberating. i got chicken tenders and fries from applebees a couple nights ago and never thought twice. AND had a snack later. i've been staying up kind of late haha. my new hang out hours are from like 10-4 hahaa. i like to call it college preparation.

-i do have something bothering me i can't really talk aboutt and i don't know what to do about it, but i guess it will work outt.

-i'm getting a blackberry in a couple days. holla!

-i still eat yogurt messes every 0.324 seconds.

-i can't live without peanut butter or hummus anymore.

-i will visit the store in the middle of the night if i'm out.

-if you've ever seen the movie office space, you'd appreciate the present i got for my dad on his birthday yesterday.

red swingline stapler. i'll burn the place down.

-i think i've run out of things to say right now...i'm still reading blogs everyday, sorry i have been bad about commenting, but i'm still here!

-my life is basically school and hanging out now, just the way it should be :)

-i love you guys!! i'll be back if i think of anything else! i'll try to start commenting moree.

ciao bella

goodbye is not forever

2010-02-18T19:38:00.000-05:00

hey guys,

i've had quite a busy past couple of days, so i'm sorry for the lack of blogging.

first of all, jeff and i "broke-up," so to speak. but there are no hard feelings, and it was mutual. we both need to live our lives while we're young. i don't want to look back and regret anything, you know? so it's more like a break, i guess. still hurts :(

second, i think i'm going to cut back on the blogging and blog reading some. at least for now. i'm so busy with school and soccer, and i need to actually LIVE instead of be glued to the computer. but i love you guys, so i will keep up with you periodically and check on you! and of course, blog some :)

third, i have a shit-ton of homework, so i think i'll try to do that now.

forth, my mother is hosing a bunco party at my house tonight, so i was sent to my room and all i can hear is a bunch of forty-year-old women cackling. music to my ears.

ciao for now bellas :)

pancake recipe

2010-02-16T23:06:00.000-05:00

i'll do a real blog post tomorrow, but for now it's 11 and bedtime!

so for those who were wondering, the pancake recipe can be found here.

but this is what i did :)

Batter:

1 1/4 cup whole wheat flour
1 T truvia
2 t baking powder (aluminum-free)
1/2 t salt
1 1/3 cup almond milk
1 egg
cinammon out the wazhoooooooooooo.
i would add vanilla next time.

Peanut Butter Swirl:

2 T peanut butter
4 T unsweetened applesauce

Toppings:

lots of maple syrup
one banana, chopped

hope you enjoy!

ciao bella

peanut butter swirly pancakes!

2010-02-15T20:13:00.000-05:00

sorry about my photos, my camera is on its way out...

ohsheglow's healthy peanut butter swirl coconut pancakes :)

minus the coconut haha. sorry guys, not my thing. instead, i topped mine with a banana and maple syrup

sorry, i taste tested first haha.

seriously, the BEST pancakes i've ever made! i probably would have actually put in the recommended amount of sugar next time, but i didn't want it to be overly sweet? but the maple and banana made it perfect :)

definitely a keeper.

and even after my whole foods stop, i've had two more shopping trips...good ol' wal-mart and lowe's foods.

wal-mart trip. bran buds for yogurt messes, honey toasted kashi heart to heart, bananas, two cheapo yogurts, prunes, new-to-me poppy thyme back to nature crackers because my special k ones had soy, and a water for the shop haha.

speaking of yogurt messes, they have been frequenting my snack time.

example?

best. mess. ever.

5 or 6 spoonfuls of plain yogurt

vanilla

couple of spoonfuls of pumpkin

copious amounts of cinammon

kashi puffs

dark chocolate chips

spoonful of pb :) i believe that was white chocolate

blah blah blah...time to do some calculus i suppose, since i haven't paid a lickkkk of attention this week! i have no idea what we are doing. ahh, such is life. wish me luck on my test tomorrow!

maybe i'll go have some more lemon box cake i made mommy dearest for her birthday :) with lemon icingg, nom nom nom.

words that are floating through my mind?

log, integration, derivative, natural log, u substitution.

shoot me!

just kidding.

maybe.

ciao bella!

SNOWWW!

2010-02-13T17:31:00.000-05:00

it started last night...

and this morning i woke up to this

bella is a beast.

old max :)

little brudder. in mountain dew pj pants? classy.

still not sure how she managed that? cute nonetheless :)

then i went to greenville with dad, bought mom a niceeeee bracelet and went to lowe's foods and got some sushii :) i haven't had it in forever. i also picked up a pomegranate chobani, so i'll test that sometime :)

yesterday, i went to the WISE (women in science and engineering) open house at NC State with casey and it was really informative. i think i'm going to apply for that and the honors program there. there is also a scholars program i qualified for, but i'm not sure i want to spend my extra time looking at arts and literature. not my deal?

after that, we went to whole foods, and god help me, i'm going to be BROKE next year.

worst. purchase. ever. i guess some healthy things are just not up my alley.

it's like straight vinegar. i swear i'm going to keep it to cook with. that bad.

dark chocolate oatmeall :) bet it's ballin' with pb.

the rest of the goods. bacon isn't mine, though.

casey :) dumb face haha.

bahhhhhhhhhhh :) scary.

that night i was supposed to go back and stay at casey's house, but SHITT went down and long story short, i ended up back home. i really don't want to talk about it, but i feel like an ass. sorry to everyone, they know who they are and they will read this. i think it's better now though, so i'm feeling a little better. i think the pretty day helped.

i'm probably going to hit the gym laterrrrrrrr and maybe write my paper.

jeff and i have reservations somewhere tomorrow night!

ciao bella

“We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams.”-Jeremy Irons

2010-02-10T20:22:00.000-05:00

soo i have a lot of work to doo, i'm extremely busy, and i'm asthmatic SOO!

i figured i would leave you with some pictures i uploaded recently from my phone and of the espresso hazelnut truffle cookies i'm in the process of making for the bake sale :)

bella in my room

a few minutes after i found her...yeah she was already in my driver's seat :) looking a litle scruffy.

in da hood.

ganstaaaaaaa. (jeff's steelers hat)

prom (may '09)...tmj surgery puffy faces :)

hottie ;) bwhahahaa. but seriously.

this is actually jeff and i on the beach :)

cell phone drawing...wolfpackk :)

SPIRIT WEEK. opposite day.

name's carl. i like-a the ladies. :)

eye doctor shenanegans. mom said no :(

a gift from the sabra gods! aka sams.

that's like a fifth of a human baby.

but this is my baby.

cookie time!

rolled out espresso hazelnut truffle dough...my father said it was amazingg. wish i knew haha.

check out those hazelnut specks :)

i hope the lady receiving these cookies likes them! i'm about to go bake them now.

have a great night!

ciao bella

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music."- Aldous Huxley

2010-02-09T22:20:00.001-05:00

i'm discovering a new passion for music.

i'm learing to play the guitar again.

i'm also finding myself at my piano more often.

i love singing.

i can't sing.

music=freedom.

freedom=happiness.

happiness=love.

ciao bella

chocolate festival!!

2010-02-07T21:52:00.000-05:00

sorry, i forgot my camera in the car so no pictures of the chocolate itself :(

but i think i had a pishtachio truffle, chocolate covered trail mix lump, and bits and pieces of different things...and a double dose of lactaid pills bwhaha.

however, we were in morehead city, aka the beach. plenty of pictures taken there :)

mi madre.

jersey shoreeeee? :)

holy lazy eye.

heaven. i would be more broke than nicolas cage if there was one closer to me.

bars!!

the goods :) i believe there is yogurt (2 pumpkin pie, 2 key lime, cherry vanilla, honey vanilla, lemon, super fruit, and super huge fage carton!), tomato flat-out wraps, puffed wheat cereal per yogurt messes, peach smoothie, two pro-bars, and harris teeter brand natural peanut butter :)

off to finish watching the super bowl, go colts! :)

ciao bella

one day at a time...

2010-02-06T12:07:00.001-05:00

in case you haven't noticed, i'm trying to make my blog more "visually appealing." so, i did some changing things up last night...i hope you like it :) suggestions are great, as well!

ok, so i'm not going to lie, i did have sort of an ED-related moment last night. not ED as in, restricting or something like that. but i wanted to weigh myself for some reason, and it told me i was XXX pounds, which was what i thought. but then for some reason, i stepped on it again, and it told me it was 3 pounds higher than that. so i did it again to make sure, and sure enough, it kept saying the 3 pounds more. needless to say, i was a little freaked out because i haven't seen that number since pre-ED. i came downstairs and cried (sort of) for a little big, but then i remembered this blog, everyone here, and how great my life is without ED. i have no desire to go back, nor do i have the urge to. maybe a split second was there when i wanted to go back, but it was gone just like that. my life is amazing, and a number on the scale is just that. a number. no one cares how much i weigh, so why should i? PLUS i'm just coming off my monthly gift, and i have put on some definite muscle mass from working out. and of course, mom was there to remind me that NO ONE in my family has a weigh issue, and i will not have to worry about it either because i'm health conscious and i love to stay active. i don't want anyone to think i'm regressing, i just felt like getting that off of my chest. seriously, it lasted about 20 minutes, and i felt happy again. minor speedbump :) no recovery is ever perfect, and i feel so lucky that i have been blessed with the speed of mine.

despite the fact that i'm a little under the weather, i have a couple of things that have made me a very happy girl lately :)

as a HOSA officer, i got to spend all day yesterday helping with the blood drive at school. that's me at the desk, cheezing it up.

my animal science class visits our school's hog farm twice a week. i love it :) and jeff is coming over today so we can have a date there? yep, i live in the country.

i got heather's package in the mail this morning! thank you soo muchhh :)

i'm definintely having some tea momentarily.

i'm trying to be more eco-friendly. either that, or my family just won't buy plastic water bottles for me anymore :)

just realized that my picture is in the background. holla.

this has become my favorite snack ever. frozen fruit is delicious.

except, i only like the pineapple and mango.

i was bummed i couldn't find pumpkin, but i stumbled upon some yesterday and bought TWO HUGE cans of it. maybe it will last two weeks? :)

on a sad note,

my mother told me my greek yogurt habit was too expensive, so i'm forced to make my pumkin pie yogurt messes with ~~slop~~ regular yogurt. but it's half the price, so i'll have to get used to it on a college budget this fall.

off to go veg and wait for jeff to get here! i really want to go back to sleep, but i don't really feel like being that lazy. i want to go to the gym at some point.

does anyone else not feel like working out normally, but want to when they are sick, but they can't?

i think i'm just odd.

p.s. it's celebrity look-a-like week. who do you look like? i think i look kind of like emma roberts, or at least when she was on unfabulous haha.

but my dad thinks i look like avril.

i'm not so sure...

oh p.s. number two: formspring me :) all the cool kids are doing it.

ciao bella!

"When asked what he would do if he only had six months to live: Type faster."-Isaac Asimov

2010-02-02T21:58:00.000-05:00

seems as if everyone is watching lost tonight...guess i just never got around to hopping on that bandwagon :)

school was actually pretty nice today, partly because of the two hour delay. i got to wake up an hour later and take my time getting ready. i actually took a shower in the morning, which is so much better. i could smell my hair all day haha.

in animal science, we found out we get to start going to the hog farm tomorrow! you know you are in redneck country when your school has its own hog farm :) i'm excited though, it's something different i've never really done, and it feels like we get to do do some real work ;).

A.P. cal is going amazingly smoothly right now...the stuff we are doing is muy easy. me like.

as is A.P. lit...although i do have two poetry explications do by friday. bummer.

i really enjoy sciences and i haven't had a science class since my first semester of my sophomore year, which was chemistry I, so i have been looking forward to chem. II, especially since there are no tests! always a perk. we did one experiment where i inhaled nitric acid gases, which was fun...but since then they have either kicked us out so another class could use our classroom, or he hasn't been there. today we did a packet from chemistry I. right out of the chem. I book. seriously, it was a word-for-word-bold-print-straight-in-the-book type thing. mind numbing. at least it gave me a chance to go to the bathroom and wander campus where i stumbled upon a great example of the tragedy we call our school.

case and point:

it's kind of a bad picture, but that's what covers all of our walkways. it basically rains through the roof. that's especially nice when it's freezing rain :)

classy caution tape around the ice.

people make such a big deal about some weather down here.

anyways...

i had three club meetings after school today: quiz bowl, honor society, and math club. i'm kind of obligated to go to math club being the president, so i went there and i was the only one there besides the kid who walked with me. by the time i got out of there, honor society was dismissed and i had already said i wouldn't be at quiz bowl...soccer was cancelled so i went home and vegged all day. oh, and i did my calculus sudoku today and was quite proud of myself. me and sudoku do not get along.

to continue my lazy day, i couldn't find any food for dinner, so i "made" cereal. i made chinese noodles but they tasted gross.

i don't know why that is sideways. but yes, that would be my second meal of cereal and a banana with almond milk. this time i added some white chocolate pb & co. :)

normally, i would eat kashi, but i'm trying to avoid soy nowadays because i think i eat WAY too much of it and it really upsets my stomach. not to say i'm dissing it completely, but i realized that maybe i eat it in excess haha. so tonight, i opted for some sweeted, hfcs mini-wheats :) i've been craving all things sweet lately...nothing to do with my monthly gift...

watched some american idol yadada...

and made averie's raw cookie dough ballsssssssss. no words.

peanut-oat flour+agave+maple syrup+vanilla

+ a handful of chocolate chips. cause i'm badass and don't measure :)

i also wasn't able to mold into anything because it was so sticky so i floured it and mushed it into a container to ~~eat the whole thing~~ scoop out a spoonful at a time :)

i did deviate a little from her recipe because i didn't have any cashews on hand...peanuts work just fine. it just turns into peanut butter raw cookie dough...nothin' wrong with that my friends.

i also didn't have any regular vanilla extract because i used the rest in my oatmeal, but i had french vanilla. it was SOO GOOD. but a little overwhelming.

note to self: french vanilla does NOT require the same amount as regular vanilla.

off to shower and maybe sleep soon...maybe :)

ciao bella

"Expressing anger is a form of public littering."- Willard Gaylin

2010-02-01T21:29:00.000-05:00

hey guys :)

today has actually been sort of productive, if you don't want to include schoolwork hahaa. speaking of, we have a two hour delay tomorrow, what?#$@ :)

after i got up and around, mother and i went to the one and only wal-mart. i picked up a crapload of food for myself because apparently i haven't restocked on anything i quite awhile.

i also finally got some running shorts :)

and finally found flaxseed!

sporting my uggly slippers.

tried an egg white puff.

ate half an egg white puff.

played with my bella :)

she only likes to be in my lap when i'm on the laptop.

so i started writing this post earlier...since then some friends came over and played rockband, but my mom sent them hope like i'm 5 because of family issues. anyone else have parents that need to come to terms with the fact they should have never married? sorry to be blunt, but it's the truth. my mom is like a high school kid and my dad is stubborn and has a temper. it's like a daughter daddy thing. i wish they would stop trying to make it work because it's not. it only makes the entire family argue, and they think it's helping me and my brother, but it's NOT. we know what's going down. i'm tireddddddddddddddd of it. i guess i'm being selfish, but i know they have never had a good relationship. the times they seemed like it, they acted more like friends. i don't see them kiss or hug. gahh i just wish this would stop! and i'm going to stop typing right now because i don't want to seem like i need a pity party or something. people have it way worse. i'm just venting, so thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

ANYWAYS...back to school tomorrow, so i guess i'll let you know how it went sometime!

ciao bella

"A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book." Irish Proverb

2010-01-31T20:10:00.000-05:00

another lazy day, but i got a workout in this morning! i did a thirty minute program on my treadmill, which was in all honestly, crap :) i didn't feel like i really did much, yet it said i burned 300 calories. i had to laugh a lot, and i feel bad if people actually go by those numbers if they are trying to lose weight. after that, i did polly's new winter morning yoga! it was simple, short, and an amazing leg stretch for the morning when you are so tight.

not much has gone down today, except i successfully made my version of katie's tiramisu babies :)

nummyy :) my mom took a hunk out of the middle one, so i made it the nose.

i didn't have any dates, as usual, so i used raisins, but i used the right amount this time!

i also didn't use the nut butter, and i used walnuts instead of cashews, although i think cashews would give it a smoother texture and creamier taste. i may have also doubled the amount of cocoa powder? ;)

regardless, they are delicious, and i'm going to try to make them last longer than ~~a few days~~ tonight.

i've also been switching up my eats lately because of my new lunch schedule at school. breakfast has been more of an egg based meal and lunch has been oats! i actually really like it. even though i didn't have school today, i made an egg, turkey, and hummus sandwich (hummus and eggs are a match made in heaven, if you didn't know) and i had oats in a DCD jar for lunch. not going to lie, it was the bombbbbbb. especially since i had like 4 tbsp. left in the jar, but i couldn't wait to use it bwhahaha.

for my oats, i can't seem to switch them up. i ALWAYS put the same things in them. the usual mix?

-1/3 cup oats/oat bran

-2/3 cup water

-1 banana (half microwaved then cooked with the oats and half sliced on top)

-cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger

-sf maple syrup

-copious amounts of peanut butter

i don't know, i guess it just works for me :)

some of my egg concoctions have been frittata attempts that turned into omelet fails, which have now turned into scrambles. i think i like those best. my last scramble was my favorite.

-1 egg, 2 egg whites

-my leftover roasted chickpeas

-onion

-tomato

-rosemary

-spinach

it was pretty good, not going to lie :)

off to watch the grammys with my family! dad just got back from sweden and london :)

ciao bella

these are my confessions

2010-01-31T00:31:00.000-05:00

i'm not sure why i haven't really felt like writing lately, but some things have been on my mind that were kind of bothering me...

confession number one? i've only been eating between 1300-1500 calories a day

i don't realize it. i haven't lost weight, nor gained. i'm just maintaining. but i don't want to live my live only eating that much. someone my age and height needs more than that, 2200 according to the daily plate. soccer season starts monday, and i'm concerned about how i need to handle it because i can't afford to go backwards with my health. i know april is upping her calorie intake gradually, and i'm thinking about doing the same. i mean, i guess my intake right now is about right since i have been basically sitting on my butt literally all day long. i still don't want that though. i want to rev my metabolism back up and be a soccer machine! i feel like i've just been munching all day long, and that is truly where my of my calories come from...i almost don't like eating meals anymore. i've become a snacker like my mother, and i need to get away from that! it's not healthy, weight gain or not. i'm going to wake up tomorrow and try to eat normal meals, and snack normally.

confession number 2? some days i'm not happy when i look in the mirror.

i was worried telling jeff all of this, but he was so understanding about it. sometimes i'm not sure how i got so lucky to find him. and he was right...it is NORMAL to not feel 100% about your body all of the time! i didn't want to feel "weak" by confessing maybe i wasn't completely over this ED. but i was wrong, i am over this. ED is gone from my life. no one is perfect! so regardless of my past, i'm allowed to have a bad day every once in awhile too :) so remember, even "normal" people have their moments, too!

even this girl.

confession number 3? i hate the media.

seriously? you want to know why so many girls have eating disorders? THEN WHY ARE THE ONLY WOMAN SHOWN ON T.V. AND IN MAGAZINES SKINNY AND AIRBRUSHED? it gives girls such a crap image of what our ideal bodies should be. according to the world of fashion? i'm overweight. it's awful. women are pushed to have these bodies that are so unrealistic. even the ones we think have "perfect" bodies are only airbrushed to look that way. so why do that to us? why can't you just have one little flaw on an advertisement? no one believes it, and it only puts bad thoughts in girls' heads. it's not that important to have your basically invisible anyways cellulite removed from your pictures. as;ldkffffff...i know it's talked about all the time, but it has just recently come to annoy me even more. i just wish i could do something about it.

look what it does to girls...

this is what makes me happy to see...

they are both beautiful girls, i'm not bashing either one. but i bet you 8 of 10 guys would take the girl on the left. she is so skinnyy, and apparently the girl on the right is fat. but you see, she is not fat at all, she is HEALTHY. our minds have been twisted to think that's fat, but it's normal. i want everyone to know that.

sorry for the random rant, but it's just been bothering me. i want everyone to be happy with their bodies and be grateful for what god gave them. there is beauty in everybody, it's not just about your size. sure, i may not have boobs, but i have a pretty smile. for every "negative" i can list two positives. i challenge you all to do the same. it really makes you feel like the beautiful person you are :)

ciao bella

"I slip from workaholic to bum real easy."-Matthew Broderick

2010-01-29T20:49:00.000-05:00

sorry for my absence, i've been a bum the past couple of days...you know, 2 hour naps and snacking all day? yeah, that's me. i think it's that time. if you know what i mean. don't get me wrong, i'm soooooooo glad to have it back, but ever since i've gotten it back, the symptoms have been magnified by 20938432, or it feels like it. i don't mean to complain, but i'm just wondering if my body still hasn't quite adjusted to it yet. anyways, i'm still reading your blogs! sorry for being all down in the dumps :) i'll return asap!!

i heard we're supposed to get "snowed" in here in NC. riiiiiight :)

flikr.

ciao bella

bake sale for haiti

2010-01-27T21:27:00.000-05:00

time is running out guys! this is a really great cause, and diana did an amazing job coordinating this. please take the time to at least skim through the items up for auction, they are kind of tempting :)

i'm baking espresso hazelnut truffle cookies! yummm.

divinityyy that you should go bid on :)

remind yourself, it's for haiti!

ciao bella

fudge baby fail+dippage win.

2010-01-26T11:38:00.000-05:00

i made katie's oatmeal crepe cakes!

after a failed attempt at making a new flavor of babies (apple pie), i decided that it would be a good dip for pancakes or filling for crepes...yep, it was :)

in the food processor was...

3/4 cup raisins
~1/4 cup chopped walnuts
1/4 tsp. vanilla
1/2 chopped apple
cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, maple syrup

ahh it's so sweet and goodd :)

dippage was amazing.

thank you, katie :)

ciao bella

bake sale for haiti

2010-01-26T10:35:00.000-05:00

hey guys,

i haven't said anything yet, but i signed up for bake sale for haiti hosted by the chic life!

i decided yesterday that i'm going to be adventurous and bake something different. i'm making espresso hazelnut truffle cookies!

ingredients include:

1 cup shelled hazelnuts
2 sticks unsalted butter, softened but still firm to touch
1 1/4 cups superfine sugar or granulated sugar processed 30 seconds in a food processor
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 whole egg plus 1 yolk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon instant espresso powder
2 1/2 cups all purpose flour, plus extra for work surface
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
Truffle Filling:
1 cup heavy whipping cream
14 oz semisweet chocolate, chopped
Trim:
1 1/4 cup semisweet chocolate morsels

they are going to be so rich and decedent, i can't wait for whoever wins them to taste! :)

because the bake sale is being "held" tomorrow, it's obviously too late to sign up, but not too late to get interested in bidding!! any money you spend is sent directly to the american red cross haiti relief and development fund. here are a couple of tidbits you might need to know:

The bidding on the bake sale will take place Wednesday, January 27th, 2010 all day – from 12:01 am till 11:59pm ET.
Bids will be accepted via comments and email, but I will have a separate bidding page ready for the actual bidding day.

ciao bella

peanut butter hummus, roasted chickpeas, and pumpkin seeds

2010-01-25T14:39:00.000-05:00

sorry for the bombardment of random posts lately, but that's just how life's been :)

first off, i've been quite the adventurous little cook today! i concocted a loose recipe for peanut butter hummus and made spicy roasted chickpeas with the leftover beans :)

feel free to tweak the recipe, it probably needs it...i think chocolate or raisins would be awesome :)

sprinkled with salt, pepper, paprika, and cumin.

sorry i have no pictures of the acutal roasted chickpeas...they disappeared into my stomach somehow? ;)

grandmas surprised me with these, but i'm not a fan of just eating the seeds, so i need to find a recipe asap :)

arrhgalsdf. just learned soccer is at 3 now instead of 330, so i need to go NOW and pick up my contacts first so i don't bust up my glasses!

ciao bella

check this out!

2010-01-25T10:55:00.000-05:00

i first saw this on kath's and tina's blogs this morning.

http://www.quakeroats.com/about-quaker-oats/content/create-your-day/default.aspx

at first, i thought it was just something that created a bowl of oatmeal for you, but it is so much more. for every "creation" that is made, quaker will donate one dollar to the share our strength foundation! so basically, it's a fun and quick and easy way to give to a great cause. if you're not down with that, you do get a $1.00 coupon for quaker and an oatmeal creation. so check it out!

i made one for you guys :) link below!

http://www.quakeroats.com/about-quaker-oats/content/create-your-day/default.aspx?id=150

not much going on later today, i'm probably going to work more on my memory book...maybe blog again later :)

for noww...

ciao bella

blech...and a zevia giveaway!

2010-01-24T19:21:00.000-05:00

i'm sick :(

but i'm sure winning this zevia giveaway would make me feel better! :)

off to bed early...

ciao bella

meet the roommate.

2010-01-23T23:27:00.001-05:00

no words to describe the day...just amazingly fun and refreshing :)

i think i found the best roommate and i can be myself.

and we shouldn't be left alone in target or a chocolate store.

case and point: i am not a member of the godiva and lindt club.

ciao bella

memory book part one: who am i?

2010-01-23T01:14:00.000-05:00

scrapbook cover...it has a latch to open it :)

first page

part one: who am i?

ciao bella

you and me could write a bad romance

2010-01-22T19:21:00.002-05:00

afternoon...night...morning...whatever :)

today went by extremely fast, contrary to what i thought. woke up, ate breakfast, and headed to goldsboro for a target date and to micheal's to get materials for my senior memory book :)

which i already feel myself being anal about.

anyways, there will be pictures as each page gets done.

i did something very out of character for me today. i couldn't find my shoes, so i decided, what the hell...i'm going to rock these heels :) hahahaha...i actually enjoyed it for a little while. they didn't even hurt, but they were squeaky? odd. i'm not sure i'll be doing it again though...

what? you don't take photoshoots in t.j. maxx changing rooms, too? oh...

awkard.

fierce? yeahh.

between all of that i snacked on

first time trying this flavor...my opinion on the reviews page :)

needed this. badly.

we hit up target, because i have a need to go in one every time i see one, where i was feeling more caffeine.

perfect.

micheal's was next on the list, and i'm so glad we went because the scrapbooks were all 40% off and all of the pages were 30% off! so basically, i got a lot of stuff for not much. as soon as i finish writing this and read everyone's blogs, of course, i'm going to work on the first chapter, "who am i?"

this is the first project i have ever had that i'm doing it at my will MONTHS early :) i think it's going to be exciting. i spent a couple hours last night going through our thousands of pictures trying to find the perfect ones. it's so hard, because ~~i was so dang cute~~ you can only fit so many in the book. oh well, i'll figure it out.

dinner time rolled around, and i wanted some mexican food, so i busted out a frozen amy's burrito, and cooked it in the oven with some broccoli that i tossed with some cumin, paprika, and garlic powder. i took out the broccoli halfway through, and it was so good and crispy and flavorful...and when the burrito came out i wanted nothing to do with it. so, i stuck it in the fridge and i'll probably eat it this weekend at some point. instead, i ate the rest of my vanilla oikos with some pinapple, blueberries, agave, and kashi. possibly a spoonful of dark chocolate dreams?

alright, i'm going to scrapbook and watch more discovery health...shocker :)

meeting casey tomorrow! :)

lovee

ciao bella

i miss my contacts :(

IV hummus?!

2010-01-22T00:08:00.000-05:00

you know you're obsessed with hummus when you see hummus IV and the first thing you think of is hummus fed to you intravenously. just saying.

TOMORROW IS SATURDAY!! aka meet my roommate dayy :)

i think i'll bake cookies because i can't sleep.

lovee

ciao bella

"The discovery of coffee has enlarged the realm of illusion and given more promise to hope."-Isidore Bourdon

2010-01-21T16:45:00.001-05:00

i'm glad you liked my blog last night, i wasn't exactly in the mood for writing. i was emotionally exhausted, but no worries, everything is good now. and it wasn't ED related :)

i think i have officially OD-ed on chinese takeout. it was dinner, snack, and brunch. for lack of a better way to say it, me and chinese food don't exactly get a long...so my body was on the fritz until about 1:30. i hit the gym with my mom and i walked her through my favorite workout. i felt great afterwards, but i think it's getting to easy because i don't feel like i'm getting that much done. i've added weights and curls to the lunges and upped the elliptical level to the highest one for more resistance to build muscle. maybe i'll have to find another workout :(

ohh sauce soaked rice...i will always love you. ♥

(my brother's leftovers...i try not to order anything)

i was craving some mcdonald's iced coffee with sugar-free vanilla and no cream ;) after my workout, but i was scared about my tummy. i wasn't going to say anything until my mom said she wanted coffee too, so i took it as a sign that it was ok bwhahaha. excuses, excuses. anyways, i added some lactaid to it when i got home to be double sure, and it's been great.

why you so obsessed with me?

in other news, my roommate [can i just refer to her as casey from now on? :)] is also a tortilla chip, kashi oatmeal chocolate chip, and coffee lover. i'll ask again: WHERE HAS THIS GIRL BEEN?! i love this more and more each day! only one more day until we meet. so suspenseful :)

nothing else really going on today, so i think i'm going to veg out for the night and watch discovery health and maybe some trashy tv until fringe comes on!

love

ciao bella

inspiration for the nation

2010-01-20T20:43:00.000-05:00

weheartit.

ciao bella

updates.

2010-01-20T00:39:00.001-05:00

quick update,

-i have officially requested casey to be my roommate :)
-i have officially paid to attend n.c. state. in other words, no turning back!
-i tried tina's 3-minute cookie
-i put way too much egg in it
-and it was STILL deliciously awesome :) especially with strawberry yogurt and blueberries on top.

lightingg...

check out the egg sticking out...not supposed to be there. yummy nonetheless.

-the only change i made was no brown sugar, but maple syrup and truvia instead.

-now i need to go to bed for my cruel 11:45 early morning exam tomorrow, wish me luck!

-although, it's medical science and i've had basically the same class for 3 years, and it's always the same questions.

-love you all

-goodnight :)

ciao bella

hey soul sista

2010-01-19T15:50:00.000-05:00

sorry for the disappearance yesterday, it was a whirlwind :)

first off, I FOUND MY ROOMMATE FOR NEXT FALL! i'm beyond excited. i swear we are like long lost sisters. honestly, i've never met another girl that i had so much in common with. we literally talked for 3 1/2 or 4 hours yesterday and we made plans to meet up at n.c. state saturday for a walk and lunch, and maybe the mall ;)

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh EXCITEMENT! when was the last time i felt like my life is moving forward? i have a future friend. i feel confident in going to college now. i feel like my future is in grasp, and i'm happy about it. i know that i'll be going into college with someone by my side (and JEFF!) and i love it....ahhh..........don't get me wrong, i like my friends now, or the one or two i have. but i want to start over, and i want to be at state! dangit, i could go forever, i really can't contain my excitement right now.

shall i compare us?

-same music
-same movies
-same food, & CHOCOLATE.
-same tv shows
-same party preferences
-both seem to have "intelligence" in other words, she's not an air head
-same fav. colors
-same favorite everything.
-i could carry on a real conversation with her...not just hi, bye.

where did this girl come from? i know some of these things are small, but it's all so awesome :) i guess it sounds like a crush hahahaa...i think it's because i don't really have a close friend. i haven't had one in a couple years. so i'm liking the return of the friend thing :)

speaking of, i'm heading to a town nearby with a couple of people to hit up cookout, starbucks, and target!

hope they don't bust out the pot though, or i'm outt. not my thing.

i might write tonight, but if not, i will see you all tomorrow!

ciao bella

random question...

2010-01-18T12:48:00.002-05:00

does anybody know how to make tabs for your blog? i want to make a recipes, reviews, and about me sections, but i can't figure it out! it's probably easy, but i'm computer slow sometimes :)

ciao bella

"Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others."-Jules Renard

2010-01-17T20:50:00.000-05:00

first of all, i won this awesome award from christina at finally healthy!

10 things that make me happy?

jeff! :) i guess dating someone for going on four years makes them special haha.
reading blogs...go figure.
laughing so hard i can't breathe.
visits to n.c. state!
the feeling after a good workout.
the feeling after a good nap.
when the temperature and weather outside is perfect and the air is crisp...you know what i'm talking about ;)
my favorite song comes on the radio when i'm in the shower
animals...bella, my puppy :)
it makes me happy that i can find something special in the simplest things in life.

sorry i'm lame and i don't have anything fun to put up there haha...guess i'm slightly boring :)

anyways, i suppose i have to pass this on! i would pass it on to everyone, but i don't want to be even more boring, so i'll just randomly choose :)

becca at a day in the life
eleanor at pieces of her
emily at secret doors
amy at amy askew
jessica at dairy free betty
karina at like some cat from japan
heather at health, happiness, and hope
coco at hot coco(a)
kirsten at island girl eats
and maggie at my breakfast blog

i'm sorry if you've already been tagged, but i guess that just means you are double loved haha.

this weekend at state was another awesome one of course :) except i suppose i wasn't supposed to leave today or something. i woke up around 11:40, got dressed and walked to lunch with jeff, and then it started raining. i was packed to leave when we got a call from jeff's brother because their car wouldn't start. so we drove over to his dorm and spent about an hour trying to jump his car because it wouldn't charge enough to run. between all of that, my mom kept calling me to pick up wings from sammy's that she had ordered in. apparently the car not starting was less imporant than some dang wings that could wait. not to mention, jeff had to drive home too. haha sooo today was stressful, but i eventually made it home. about a mile from my house, the sky turned from nasty to this

ok, so the picture isn't that great (driving!), but it was neat looking :)

the weekend consisted of walks around campus, food, a basketball game, bonding time :), and three movies (zach and miri make a porno, angels and demons, and darkness falls.) the first was funny, the second was awesome, but i'm probably biased because it's my favorite book, and the third was hilariously awful. it's about a killer tooth fairy :)

here are basketball pictures

final score: clemson, 73 n.c. state, 70

but the game was so close at the end!

stressful faces...

but we were happy...

gotta have faith :)

i miss him already! we had a really good walk last night to find my potential dorms...ahh i'm so torn...i know i like a suite style better, which is a small hall with only four rooms in each. but the dorm i really like is syme, which is a hall style. i'm just not sure i want like 30 people sharing a bathroom and a hall with me. any input?

my mom and brother actually came with me friday, but they left me at jeff's place to stay over the weekend. we went shopping and i came out with

dark chocolate sea salt bat from lindt [gasm :)], two be nourished high fiber cookies from the gmc store, and a pumpkin spice cliff bar.

the man at the gmc store actually bought my cliff bar and cookies for me! it actually made my day, he was so nice. it didn't seem creepy to me at all, but my mom thought otherwise when i told her.

i also bought a new outfit from delias while i was in raleigh, so maybe i'll model it and see if it even looks decent...i have no fashion sense :)

oh, and before i left for state, i made this banana apple bread, which was amazing, but next time i would probably add honey or agave. nothing a little peanut butter couldn't fix!

sorry for the lighting, but check out that apple chunk sticking out of the side.

no school for another week, so i'm going to watch t.v. and catch up on more of you guys' blogs tonight and sleep wayy in :)

ciao bella

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit."-Albert Schweitzer

2010-01-14T22:02:00.000-05:00

this is going to be a very short post, because i'm tired and i'm watching the fringe! aka best show ever :)

i just want to thank each of you for the sweet and thoughtful comments on my last post. it was very hard to sit down and write, but i had an urge to do it. i felt like it was finally time to rid myself of my past demons, and guess what? i feel great! i'm trying to move on. i can't promise i will never have a thought about it again. actually, i know i will. but the point of my last point was to get rid of ED as some kind of baggage i've been carrying me around. to me, it's almost like a handicap that i've been able to fall back on. but not that i'm going to college and i'm growing up, i need to move on and find myself. i need to work for me, and i can't do that with ED dragging along behind.

also, i will not be posting until sunday (probably?) because i will be staying with jeff at n.c. state this weekend! yup, it's been far too long :) we have tickets to the basketball game versus clemson saturday, and i'm so excited! i've never actually been to a basketball game before. not even at my high school. sad, i know.

i love each of you, and i'll see you in a few days! :)

ciao bella

R.I.P. ED

2010-01-13T18:00:00.014-05:00

Dear ED,

Today, I saw farwell to you. Your time in my life has come and gone. Regrettably, I have held on to your last grasps for too long. You have made such an impact on my life, and letting you go has been hard. I fell into your grasps. You were my only friend. But you took away my other friends, and you took away my love for life. As I started to waste away, you were closer to me than ever. I'm not sorry to say that, today, I have made the decision to move on. No more comparing my "new self" to my ED-ridden self. I no longer will dwell on those dark days. When I order a bacon burger, I'm not going to comment on how I never would have thought about this a few months ago. I'm through with you making appearances in my thoughts and comments. Yes, I may be out of your control, but I am still holding on to you, and it's time to say goodbye. So goodbye, ED. Our time we spent together will not be cherished and I will not be thinking about you in the future. I am now going to share my last thoughts of you in your "eulogy" and from now on, you are no longer a part of my life. R.I.P.

the beginning

first day of my sophomore year, healthy and happy.

we were best friends...

first day of my senior year...not so healthy. but i was in recovery at that point. i was beginning to leave you behind.

you ruined my senior pictures.

you made my prom hideous.

and to think i was proud of you were to me. (puffy cheeks because this was a couple days after my tmj surgery.)

i was the chief marshal for graduation of my junior class. people probably gasped when they saw us walk down the aisle. i was the only one who didn't see what you were doing to me.

then i found help. i realized you were killing me quickly. you took away my life, but i had the strength to attend duke therapy sessions to find the real me. months later, i was stable. you were still there, but i was well on my way to being free.

the end.

i have fun in target without you.

i'm going to college without you. i did it on my own.

i have the love of my life back, and it isn't you.

this is the real me.

i take pictures of myself. because i'm unique and i'm me.

i eat cupcake batter with my real friends.

I no longer need you in my life. I have other people who fill your void. And I have everyone here, in the blogging community (who I am so thankful for and love so much!). Goodbye ED, I will not miss you.

ciao bella

epic.

2010-01-13T13:37:00.002-05:00

-two slices whole wheat bread with cooking spray, pepper, garlic powder, and basil put under the broiler for a few minutes...(brilliant idea!)
-one egg, runny yolk necessary.
-soy cheese (melts on the egg...yum.)
-handful of spinach
-one slice of turkey bacon friiiiiiied up.
-apple tossed with my bff cinnamon on the side.

=

epic lunch :)

i'm off to find some chocolate ;)

ciao bella!

"Who has not been amazed to learn that the function y = e^x, like a phoenix rising from its own ashes, is its own derivative?"-Francois le Lionnais

2010-01-12T21:36:00.002-05:00

ahh! my calclulus midterm is OVER! and i got a 94, yayyyy :) which means, my final grade for the semester was a 94, aka an A. i'm not really obsessive about grades, but i was actually proud of this one. and my ap literature and comp grade, which was a 94, as well. 93 on that exam! so basically, for the next two and a half weeks, i have no school. i have two exams left: auto tech. thursday from 11:45-1:45 and medical sciences II honors next wednesday 11:45-1:45. easy peasyy lemon squeeeeeeezyy :)

and about auto tech., yes i am the only girl in there, and yes i love it and will miss it! i have learned a lot of valuable things in there that are actually very useful for me to know! i'm glad i ended up with it :)

after school, i had a quiz bowl meet because our regional competition is the 3oth...and we just found out! talk about short notice. then i had to run and take my brother and i to the dentist for cleanings. this is where i don't understand life sometimes. my brother eats junk all day and hardly takes care of his teeth. no cavities. i, on the other hand, brush and eat pretty healthy (although i should probably floss). four cavities. ahh! AND my teeth are chipping on the front because i guess i grind my teeth at night. i was told i had the teeth of a 40 year old, and if it wasn't fixed soon, i wouldn't have teeth. greattttttttttttttttt news. long story short, i have 2 upcoming dentist appointments for fillings and i need a nightguard for my teeth.

i came home later and fixed up a quick supper of:

-la tortilla factory wrap filled with a morningstar veggie burger, sabra original hummus, balsamic vinaigrette, spinach, and shredded carrots.
-whatever was leftover of the baked scoops
-one of my "balls" and a square of dark chocolate with peanut butter :)

then i was oh-so-kindly reminded that i was obligated to attend a class at the gym at 6, so i changed and scooted there...30 minutes of cardio followed by an hour of very calm yoga...bliss :)

i came home really hungry, so i ate leftover chinese veggies and general tso's chicken...nomm.

now i'm just sitting here watching american idol and hoping my jaw pain is just from the denist today...if i have to go though another TMJ surgery, i will cry. and possibly punch a wall.

off to get ready to sleep in! no school in la manana :)

ciao bella

"you gave my life direction, a gameshow love connection we can't deny."

2010-01-11T22:12:00.007-05:00

the way you can't cut a rug, watching you's the only drug i need
you're so gangsta, i'm so thug, you're the only one i'm dreaming of
you see, i can be myself now finally, in fact there's nothing i can't be

i want the world to see you be with me

-train, hey "soul sister

i miss you jeff!

egotistic photolove :) plus picasalove

i woke up this morning with the weirdest headache. i got it as soon as i stood up, and it came in waves. when it hit, i couldn't see straight and it kinda went black. weird.

luckily, oats were there to save the day!

apple cider oats breakfast of consisting of:
1/3 cup oats
2/3 cup water cooked with apple cider tea
1 small chopped apple
cinnamon
nutmeg
ginger
maple syrup
and topped with vanilla greek yogurt and more cinnamon :)

yumm.

ap literature and comp today was a nightmare. i swear, 2/3 of the people in there should never have signed up. and it frustrates me because we can't ever get anything done. i hate being one of those people that "feeds" off of other peoples emotions...when my teacher gets frustrated, i get frustrated. and when my classmates get mad, i get mad. so stressful :/.

luckily, the gym was there to save the day!

i did a circuit workout from fitsugar...it's a 5-factor workout that only takes about 30 minutes for me.

0-5 min. ellipical (level 10)
5-7 min. walking lunges (i added weights and did curls while lunging)-20 reps
7-9 min. stiff leg deadlifts (10 pound weights)-20 reps
9-11 min. double crunches-20 reps
11-12 min. elliptical (level 12)
12-14 min. walking lunges (added weights plus curls)-2o reps
14-16 min. stiff leg deadlifts (10 pound weights)-20 reps
16-18 min. double crunches (turned into sit-ups halfway through)-2o reps
18-19 min. elliptical (level 12)
19-21 min. walking lunges (added weights plus curls)-20 reps
21-23 min. stiff deadlifts (10 pounds added)-20 reps
23-25 min. elliptical (level 12)

a wal-mart trip followed. i had a few items to pick up, and i usually do shopping for my grandma too. i secretly enjoy it :)

my friend and i took a few hours to study for our ap calculus midterm tomorrow...a;sldkfj;. i'm scared, but i'm calm. i've always been that way about math. you either know it or you don't. our studying inevitably turned into talking. much more enjoyable!

i also tried my first recipe from one of my new cookbooks, deceptively delicious!

unfortunately, i don't have any pictures because i decided to spare everyone the disaster they seemed to be, but underneath their rough exterior, they really were good. i made crispy tofu nuggets! and i'm not even a tofu person, really, but they were really good dunked in some honey mustard.

i also made my first fudge babies today! with some slight variations haha. the dates i bought were hard and nasty, and i didn't have nuts. soooooooooooooo i used prunes and peanut butter.

in the food processor went:

1/2 cup packed prunes
1 tablespoon dark chocolate dreams pb&co.
1/4 tsp. vanilla

they turned out a little wetter than i imagine they should be, but they are still pretty darn good, if i do say so myself :)

ooey gooey

maybe next time i'll find good dates! these babies won't go to waste though ;)

in the meantime...

ciao bella

“Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.”-James Dean

2010-01-10T15:06:00.002-05:00

what a wonderful, nothing to do type of day. i woke up, read blogs, ate some breakfast, bonded with the little brother over rockband shenanigans, went to the store, bought goat cheese for the first time, came home and made a spinach salad and ate goat cheese for the first time, experienced multiple foodgasms, and i also managed to buy two cookbooks for ten dollars. yes, i was thrilledd! i found one called Entrées which is really nice, and the controversial Deceptively Delicious. Thank you Food Lion bargain books :) i'm reading over them now to maybe find something to make for dinner. everything looks so good, i just don't know!

by the way, goat cheese is PHENOMENAL. seriously, i don't think i've ever had a real salad before now. mine included spinach, shredded carrots, diced onion, goat cheese, a leftover piece of chicken from chicken parmesan (minus the cheese), and balsamic vinaigrette. maybe it's because i really don't eat cheese, but i really want another one asap. my parents are going to kill me though...i already have a nasty greek yogurt addiction. i probably go through two four dollar tubs a week...and goat cheese isn't any cheaper :(

i also had a chocolate fiber one bar and an sliced apple with cinnamon on da side :)

off to read cookbooks and maybe more rockband...shhh :) i need an intervention.

there also miight be some calculus in my future? we will see. tonight is going to consist of some yoga because i need a major break after yesterday's escapade.

ciao bella

this just in!

2010-01-10T00:44:00.002-05:00

major update:

i just ~~wasted~~ productively spent 3 hours of my life singing on rock band.

i'm considering signing myself up for group therapy.

RA? rockbanders anonymous??

sounds good.

"Singing is a way of escaping. It's another world. I'm no longer on earth."-Edith Piaf

2010-01-09T21:09:00.005-05:00

i'm feeling a little confused at the moment, and maybe someone could offer some insight?

you see, i'm at a healthy weight...healthy body fat, and overall, i'm in good shape. however, the past couple of times i've wanted to actually WORK OUT and sweat a little, i've gotten light-headed and had to stop...and this time i threw up. it's not like i pushed myself, knowing i was feeling bad and should stop either. i was feeling great and lively, when all of a sudden, bam. i feel a headache and run to the bathroom. why!? i even ate like 5/6 of a chocolate bountiful vegan cookie smeared with peanut butter with my dinner first :( i love to work out, and i can't if this happens! please, if anyone can clue me in, i'd love to hear ideas...

^i bought 2 workout dvd's at target today (on sale!)

on a happier note...oh wait, i don't have anything to say :) maybe i'll take this opportunity to explain the name change? first of all, i'm impatient, and when i decided i wanted to start a blog, i took absolutely no time to think about it. i knew it was going to be about my ED, and i wanted something that defined me and made me stand out...the first name that came to mind was something my boyfriend jokes with me about, which is my lactose issue. he always says i'm "lactose ignant." i guess i just went with it. i mean i liked my name, but i don't want that to define me as a person. especially now that i've left ED behind. so, i decided to make a name change, and this time, i took awhile to think about it. i know "love, life, and lindsey" is not original per say, but that's not what matters to me. my new name is what i want this blog to be about. sure there will be some food incorporated in every once in awhile, because i do love me some food :) but my new name will exemplify my new blog. this blog will about my life, my love, and just me :)

and a quick random note:

i've been pondering lately about possibly trying out for the play at our school this year...i think i'm ready to step out of my comfort zone and do something that's different and challenging to me. even if i'm not ready, i think i need to. besides, it's my senior year, right? i don't mind the long practices and stuff, but i'm concerned about tryouts. supposedly, i would have to read a piece of a script and sing "my country 'tis of thee." i mean, my voice isn't awful, but it's not play material, i don't think. i've always been funny about singing in front of people...my boyfriend of almost 3.5 years JUST heard me sing a couple of weeks ago...but i secretly absolutely LOVE singing. it's such a stress relief to me, plus it's enjoyable. i don't know, i really want to do this, but i need to psych myself into it. i have a month or two though, so well see how it pans out :)

well i'm off to finish watching the eagles and dallas game! maybe some rock band in my future? bust out the golden pipes, ya digggg? hahahaa.

ok, maybe fully dressed...or not? :) ahh jk, jk.

and thank you to emily for introducing me to weheartit! they have the most amazing pictures!

ciao bella

"Don't fight with the pillow, but lay down your head And kick every worriment out of the bed. "-Edmund Vance Cooke

2010-01-08T21:12:00.002-05:00

;)

ahhhhh a warm-cozy bed. that is where i'm heading, and i plan on sleeping until noon if my body will allow me :) updates tomorrow and maybe one of my planned posts?? only time will tell!

goodnight all! and...

ciao bella!

"Of one thing I am certain, the body is not the measure of healing - peace is the measure."-George Melton

2010-01-08T00:18:00.002-05:00

yoga was wonderfullllll tonight. i actually got to the gym early, but the lights were off in the yoga room, so i hit the treadmill for a 5 minute warm-up. when i was finished, i peeked in the room and there was a room full of people doing yoga! apparently they had started early so i had to come in late! i hate that, it feels like everyone is staring at you.

death stares all around! (source)

after an hour or so, we ended up in corpse pose. i felt like we just laid there forever, but i didn't mind. i was blissfully sinking into the floor :) i had planned on doing weights after that, but i was too relaxed to even try. i did sign up for some kind of complementary fitness regime thing where a trainer will make a fitness program just for me! i'm excited, i need something to go by or i will never get anything done.

maybe that's why i JUST finished my poetry explication and it's 12:30. good morning everybody! i really need to get to sleep, even though we do have a two hour delay tomorrow because it is "snowing." it isn't even that cold outside, really guys. only in north carolina...

so i have been contemplating my next few posts, and i feel like i want to explain why i changed the name of my blog because i have a lot to say about that...i also want to make a list of things about my body that i love. from the big nose to the crooked rib, i want to show myself how unique i am...and i encourage everyone to do the same! when i was in therapy, it was one of the things my therapist discussed with me to do, but i never did it :( stupid stubborn ED. but that's in the past! i'm going to take the initiative to do it now, and that is what matters!

well i'm off to bed peeps! have a great friday!

ciao bella

is this hotel pager friendly? i'm not getting a sig on my beeper :)-the hangover

2010-01-07T17:17:00.002-05:00

this just in...i finally tried acorn squash! i have had it sitting in the kitchen forever, and i decided to bake it last night. honestly, i thought it would be similar to my beloved sweet potatoes, but i found it to be more like barf...just saying. i was sorely disappointed :( even the miracle of cinnamon didn't help matters. oh well, life goes on!

i'm off to digest some dinna and then head to the gym for some yoga followed by some weights :) i'll be there as long as possible, as i have a two-page poetry explication to do on this poem upon my return home.

love!

picture of me in PA that i forgot about...rocking the wal-mart attire with the addition of snow boots :) i loved this outfit...made me have boooooooooobays :))

ciao bella!

my dog is facing downwards?

2010-01-06T21:23:00.004-05:00

short post...

today has been stressful with my ap literature midterm presentation and an ap calculus test...but it's over now and i'm pleased. after school, i went and hit some golf balls with jeffrey and relieved some more stress :) by the way, golfing in a winter coat is a BAD IDEA! puff ball, anyone?

my lovely group in ap lit...of course i got the puke green :)

in other news, my bmi is officially over 19! whoooooooooooooda thought? :) it's exciting to finally be leading a normal life. i can't honestly say i'm 100% happy with my new body, but i'm getting there. it takes time to appreciate new additions and to get used to it when you have been living with no padding for a couple years, it feels odd :) i good odd though! and i've noticed my body is doing things that are new to me...like i haven't been working out or doing any yoga in awhile, but i did a downward facing dog today, and it was extremely easy. normally those things KILL my calves, but i didn't even shake :) weight related or not, i was happy as a clam...yes i just said that.

anyways, unfortunately enough, i need to study for my auto tech test...don't ask why i'm in that class...because i have no idea about electricity. normally i can not study and pull something out of my butt, but i feel as if i might at least need to look over my study guide on this one :)

i hope everybody had a great day!

ciao bella

“You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her”

2010-01-04T20:53:00.005-05:00

this post has the potential to be a bagillion pages long; however, i'm not feeling up to par per say...

i gave blood for the first time a few hours ago! i failed the hemoglobin test the first time, but they pricked me again and i made it :) everything went smoothly until i was done and went to go to the bathroom. i started to feel nauseated and dizzy, so i went to sit down. before i knew it, people were surrounding me, a man was holding me up, i passed out, had a dream, woke up, and threw up. but i saved a life :)

on to more fun matters......IIIIIIIIIII GOTTTTTTTTTTTT MY PERIODDDDDDDDDDDDD BACKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :))))))))))))))))))))))

i literally jumped and cried and jumped and cried some more...it was really emotional for me. my dream in life is to have a family and now it is possible for me. its almost like the final goodbye to ED. i don't miss it at all! oh, and i had a bacon burger for dinner tonight from outback. boo yaahh. so many people lately have been commenting on how great i look and how pretty i am...even jeff, although he does it anyways :) but i actually feel it now, and i know i'm beautiful. when i look in the mirror, i see what God gave me and i appreciate it. i have found a love for myself that is irreplaceable.

the period thing happened while i was in pennsylvania with jeff and his family...but i couldn't have cared less. except the car ride back, which was filled with carsickness and cramps. welcomed cramps :)

pennsylvania was the most awesome trip i have had recently...i miss it so much. we pretty much played in the snow alllllllllllll week. words can't describe, so i'll let the pictures do that talking:

the baby is ruby, jeff's niece. i also had a nice face plant in there, too :)

those are just a couple pictures...almost 400 were taken! i know, i have problems.

time for bedddd!!! giving blood took a lot out of me...and probably being on my period didn't help ;)

ciao bella!

"Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas." -Peg Bracken

2009-12-25T22:33:00.015-05:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

i hope everyone had a wonderful day, i know i did!

"comfy toes":)

my brother's beloved xbox accessories

luggage for europe!

hmm...leg needs to be a little straighter...and yes that is a snuggie 2.0 ;)

the ninja! blender/food processor :))

my load.

galso buried in there were some towels and bowls for college, dark chocolate, rachael ray magazine, bath and body works stuff, sweater w/cami, two polos, pajama pants, a purple winter coat, my "snuggie", and a lady gaga cd! don't judge.

my dog somehow ended up in a box and couldn't get her back legs out...she walked around like that forever...it was hilarious :)

later on after brunch, i headed to jeff's house!

presh.

jeff and his niece, ruby, aka the cutest little girl in the world.

couples meditation? :)

our secret santa exchange involved bumpits...it was classy. excuse my overly chapped lips.

now i'm off to bed, because tomorrow i'm heading to pennsylvania for the week with jeff and his family! i feel like it's my family now, too, so i might as well just say the family :)

i'm looking forward to all of the blog reading i'll have to catch up on next saturday!

ciao bella

and to all a good night!

2009-12-24T21:09:00.015-05:00

wow today went by really quickly...i feel like i just woke up. but i guess i did a few things today...christmas eve brunch, ping pong, baking, ping pong, ping pong, blog reading, ping pong, and seeing jeff and his family for a few minutes:) but seriously, my family got serious with the ponging today. we even had a bracket going. i'll let the pictures do that talking:

more dancing, eleanor! :)

of course, dad won.

thoroughly upset.

cookies made for jeff's dad...recipe here.

went to see jefffff.........yadayadayada...;) love youuu!

andd came back to opening present from my grandmother...now i love my grandma very much, but her presents are hilariously AWFUL. this year was no different :)

socks to keep your toes stretching and prevents corns!! what more could a girl ask for? :)

well, after all of that excitement, i think it's time to hit the hay...and drink lots of sleepytime tea (my favorite)

merry christmas!

ciao bella :)

name change

2009-12-24T14:07:00.002-05:00

i've been doing some thinking and talking around and i think i want to change the name of my blog. as i'm getting over this ED thing, i don't want this to define who i am. yeah, i have dairy issues, but that's not what this blog is about, or what i want people to see me as. so i'm going to be doing some soul searching and trying to find a new name that defines me as a person.

loveeeeee everybody :)

ciao bella

wake up in the morning feelin' like p-diddy...

2009-12-23T19:50:00.005-05:00

actually, i woke up feeling more like this:

i almost went back to sleep, but something was telling me i should stay up, and i'm glad i did...i had another eventful day, or at least one that kept me busy. i made a lovely breakfast of a peanut butter and banana wrap with a glass of lactaid, and then got to work doing some cleaning, baking, and laundry (oh yes i did.) i literally had NO clean clothes. not even a sock. i'm such a bum...

and then it was off to get my passport! i'm going with mi madre on our school's spring break trip to london and paris. oui, oui? :) i got my picture taken at walgreens and i forgot you couldn't smile. so my mug shot came out something like this:

yeah...

anyways.

got the pictures, stocked up on natural peanut butter and veggie cheese, you know normal people food :) by the time we made it to the courthouse to fill out paperwork and send off my passport information, i realized i had left my license at home. backtrack 2o miles, grab license, pee, and we were headed back to the courthouse. once we were in, we were informed that you have to purchase a special envelope from the post office now. great. but alas! there was a post office around the corner. a couple blocks and $5.60 later, we were back and finally got my passport stuff shipped out.

once we got home, i was put to more work and wrapped gifts and baked cookies...all these wonderful christmas things. oh and my dad bought a ping pong table? or should i say "table tennis" tomato, tomahto. despite the complete waste of money, i was happy to oblige and play with him :)

after this, it was more cookie baking time...which leads me to the p-diddy part of this blog. i may or may not have eaten copious amounts of cookie dough (smart balance butterrrrrr is god) and a chocolate vitamuffin. for those of you who didn't put two and two together, i just ate my weight in sugar. warning: what happens next is not for young children. in fact, no one should watch this. but here we go.

sadly, this was after i threw down to celine dion...and tim mcraw & faith hill. i'm sorry jeff if you don't want to be with me anymore after i put that on the internet :)

but this has me thinking...this blog is about me, obviously. it may not be filled with interesting adventures, or cool food, but it's who i am. for me, putting these stupid, random videos of me jamming in the kitchen isn't about wanting people to see it and like me and read this (obviously, or i would have NEVER put such horrendous dancing and singing and jumping in circles on here.) i made this blog to help get over my ED and to help my self-esteem. i may not have 398574 readers or followers, but that's not the point. i don't act like that all of the time, and i'm generally not an outgoing person. but i felt like acting stupid, and i did. completely comfortable in doing it, too. i'm proud of myself...i would have said something like that was ludicrous a few months ago. but that was just me with no rhythm, jumping around. i'm putting myself out there and not caring. i'm free and i love it :)

thank you to whoever may read this and thanks to blogger for letting me use this...i have come so far in a short amount of time, and i think this blog has played a role in it. it's like my own therapy...even if it's not a post used for venting, just sharing my daily chronicles lets me reflect on myself and how great my life truly is. so, thanks :)

ciao bella

i definitely wrote ciao balla first, and i kinda liked it :) maybe i'll switch it up from time to time? input on this matter?

wanted: pomegranate recipes?

2009-12-22T22:12:00.003-05:00

i'm sorry to say that julie&julia didn't live up to my expectations...boo :(

in spite of that tragedy, i decided to hit the kitchen to make a quesadilla por mi padre! of course after that movie, he wanted about 5 tablespoons of butter used, but to each their own i suppose. my tummy was queasy at the sight of all that milky sloth. bleh.

something magical happened though: i stumbled upon a pomegranate! yumm. i decided to spend 23489302 hours de-seeding it, and it was totally worth it because now i have an entire container of pom arils.

oh the versatility...

which brings me to my question...does anybody have any good ideas for using these babies? they are good on their own, but i'd like to incorporate them into a nice recipe :)

ciao bella

these are the best days of our lives

2009-12-22T19:32:00.007-05:00

today was one of the best days that i have had in a long time...i was up and at it from the start today. it was an early morning...9:34 to be exact :)...i had to get ready for lunch with jeff. it was finally the day to make him my "hippie food lunch." i was going to make stuffed shells with a tofu ricotta filling, but i really didn't feel like i could stomach it. i made myself a yogurt mess for breakfast (i don't even know what all was in it!) but it was crazy good. i went to get jeff around 12, and made veggie burger and roasted red pepper hummus pitas and green monsters! he "happily" obliged and ate every bit of it. pictures?

halfway there!

mission accomplished.

next up? YOGA! or the attempt...

aww puddin'. :)

this was followed by golf at the driving range which was a nice change of date...we must hit it up again. hahaha i crack myself up. we ran to the mall after to pick up a present for her sister (my secret santa) a wonderful weiner dog dressed like elvis was then purchased and we jetted. took him home, played some soccer, got stuck on his roof. it was quite an eventful day...i used a ladder for the first time, too :) but my day didn't stop there! i went to my friend's house to play more soccer with her and her boyfriend for awhile.

it's been a long, wonderful day, and now i'm sitting here watching julie&julia with my mom and dad. life doesn't get any better.

ciao bella

i did it...i lost my virginity!

2009-12-21T21:25:00.004-05:00

GREEN MONSTER VIRGINITY!! bwhahaha...:) my blender finally decided to work!! miracles do happen!

it was every bit as awesome as i had read about. mine included a couple of handfuls of spinach, a cup of almond milk, a frozen banana, and 5 or 6 strawberries. i love how the specks of strawberries make it look festive.

christmas in a cup :)

in other news, i still don't feel very good from my little escapade saturday night. i really never want to see alcohol again. blehh.

i also spent two hours in wal-mart trying to get jeff's christmas present, but i finally have it in my hand; however, since he reads this blog (hi loser =]), i cannot divulge what i purchased. it's kind of an inside joke thing. very corny :) i also picked up some ingredients to make peppermint patties for his mom for christmas...it was the first thing on my list of things to bake in the next few days before...

I'M GOING TO PENNSYLVANIA!! woooooooo :) after all of that confusion and going back and forth, i'm finally going! i can't wait to play in the snow all day with jeff and his family.

time for some big bang theory!

ciao bella

beer before liquor...

2009-12-20T23:12:00.003-05:00

wow i feel like i haven't written anything in forever! maybe because i haven't felt exactly like writing the past few days...

i guess i'm just a little irritated right now. i was originally going to georgia with my family for christmas, but my mother decided to stay home. i was excited because that meant i could go to pennsylvania with jeff, but as soon as i told him i could go, mom turned around and decided we were going again so i had to cancel. now she just told me we aren't going to georgia now. what the hell? i already felt like an ass telling jeff's family i was going last minute, then cancelling, i'm NOT making another big deal about it now. i guess i'll just stay home and everyone else can have fun...ughh.

sorry i had to vent that out...but other than tonight, this week has been wonderful! with maybe the exception of last night and this morning. i may or may not have gone to a party last night and had my first experience with alcohol. let me just say, i do not recall half of the nights events. i mean i had fun when i wasn't bad off, but i just don't see why people go drink all of the time and get drunk and throw up. it's not exactly fun and i'm still feeling it tonight. i did enjoy being around people i love and having a good time though. it's been awhile since i've been out with a bunch of people :)

back up a couple of days and i went to the gym to do this circuit workout. i figured it would just be an easy, quick workout. NOT. the twenty minute workout turned into seventy-five minutes. but i loved it! i accidentally doubled the amount of walking lunges and deadlifts though, and i think that's why i've had a hard time walking today. i just finished up polly's yoga for upper thighs video and it did magical things for my legs :) thanksssssss!

mom wants to go to the gym with me tomorrow to do that same workout, but i'm not sure my legs will be up to the task. i think i might stick with arms or something. anyone happen to know any good arm workouts?

alsoooooo on the mind, i'm making a very special "hippie-food" lunch (his name for my food) for jeff and i tuesday, and i'm trying to find something different to make that will amaze him :) we have golf on the schedule after that, and i'm super excited to see how that plays out bwhahaha.

time for me to hit the hayy! maybe i'll blog more than once a week from now on :)

ciao bella!

"For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness."-Ralph Waldo Emerson

2009-12-14T21:05:00.007-05:00

i started writing a post last night...a rather angry one at that...concerning my mother and i. nothing ED related, but i was shaking i was so upset. i really don't feel like rehashing it again, but i figured i didn't want to put it up here for people to potentially see my dumb venting. this is, after all, an ED recovery blog...not stupid arguments blog :) toooooooo the food!

yep...i tried the infamous "oats in a jar." honestly, i figured it was hyped up to be something spectacular, but i didn't think it would be that amazing.....hahaha i was wrong :)

it was delicious. on a scale of 1-10 it was like a 10.456 :) i made up the normal pumpkin oats last night with:

-1/3 cup oatmeal
-1 cup water
~1/2 cup pumpkin
-cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger
-vanilla
-drizzle of maple syrup

soo this morning i put it in the jar and added some wheat germ and a few dark chocolate chips on top that got all melty and gooeyyyyyyyyy

:

...eventually...

off the food, i'm still beyond excited about college. i got my "official" acceptance letter in the mail today!

yeah...i changed my major already.

anyways, i'm off to finish up more calculus...joy to the worlddddddddd!

ciao bella :)